Switching Bodies Isn't Fun
by despairwaffles
Summary: The vlog squad is unfortunately stuck in a "switching bodies" au. They hate every second of it. *Warning* this is a crackfic so don't expect anything to be... normal


3rd crack fic up

Gang gang

It was initially a normal morning for the vlog squad. Until they ended up switching bodies. Dun dun dun. Any cliché is possible here.

The vlog squad consisted of Kirumi, Kokichi, Ryoma, Miu, Himiko, Korekiyo, and Shuichi.

They all were a part of Kirumi's youtube channel. She had over two million subscribers and was competing against a rival of hers that went by the name of Celeste th3 Best. Celeste had 2.3 million subscribers but Kirumi wasn't going to let Celeste beat her.

She needed to surpass 2.3 but she wasn't sure how. Kirumi knew she needed a fresh click-bait thumbnail and she was willing to do anything for the views and subscribers.

Kirumi sighed as she leaned back into her desk chair. The lights were off in her room and the computer screen was the only source of light. Her door had cracked open and a hand that was wrapped in gauze turned the lights on, blinding Kirumi.

"Knock, knock… tick tok on the clock but the party don't stop no OwO OwO"

"What's poppin' scrub? Come to give me some footage worth filming?" Kirumi asked as she pulled out her vlogging camera and pointed it at Korekiyo.

"Fortunatly, yes. Someone rented a panda cub. Its outside in the front."

Kirumi's eyes widened.

Korekiyo pulled out a jar of peanut butter and handed it to Kirumi.

"You'll be needing this." He whispered and then raced out of her room yelling about how he's been good all his life but now he's thinking what the hell.

Kirumi turned her camera on and took a handful of peanut butter from the jar. She ran down the stairs of the girl's dormitory and ripped open the front door.

Kirumi gasped. Out on the grass was the vlog squad with a panda cub. She quickly wiped the peanut butter onto the grass to save it for later and rushed over to the panda.

Himiko was holding it like a baby and singing it a sweet lullaby.

"~all you ladies pop yo pussies like this~ shake yo bodies~ don't stop~ don't miss-"

"THAT'S A REAL LIFE BABY PANDA GUYS OH MYGOD MAKE SURE TO HIT THAT NOTIFICATION BELL TO SEE MORE PANDA'S LIKE THIS ONE AND DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE." Kirumi yelled before she could stop herself.

The panda was so startled that it rolled out of Himiko's arms.

Ryoma caught the little panda before it could hit the ground.

Everyone turned to Kirumi in shock.

"Moooom! Why would you do that?! He was almost asleep!" Kokichi yelled.

Ryoma sighed and placed the panda on the ground, "Luckily he's safe, we should probabl- what the hell?!"

The panda was starting to shrink into a small, shiny orb. Everyone stared in confusion and bewilderment.

The panda orb started to talk. "You soggy pringles. No one frightens the great panda and gets away with it. I shall have to teach you all a lesson. Bibity! Bobity! Begone THOTS."

The panda orb disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Everyone started coughing and fanned the smoke away from their faces.

It took a few second for the smoke to clear out, but once it did… things looked… different.

"Hey… why am I looking at… myself…?"

Once everyone looked around, they all were screaming.

"WHY THE HELL AM I SO SHORT?!" Miu screamed. But her voice had come out of Ryoma's body.

"Woah!" Kokichi yelled, "I'm in Himiko's body! That means I can do magic now! Sweet!"

"Don't act like this is normal you brat!" Miu whined, "I'll never have my gorgeous body again… No! I won't allow that shit!"

Ryoma could barely stand up, "How do you even…" he struggled to keep his balance "walk in these things, Miu?"

Miu burst into tears.

While the "golden-brained" inventor was mourning the loss of her… self, Kirumi looked down at her hands, "I'm… Shuichi now… HOW AM I GOING TO CONTINUE DOING YOUTUBE AS AN EMO?!"

"H-hey! I'm not em- oh my god I'm in Kokichi's body."

Kokichi perked up at the sound of that, "Woah! Shuichi! You're so lucky to be me! Sorry if things are a little heavy down there, I know I have a big package but you'll get used to the weight eventually!"

Shuichi's whole face (well… Kokichi's face) turned bright red. He nearly tripped over himself, as if he was trying to back away from the body he was in.

"… I'm finally tall" was the only thing Himiko had to say as she brushed Kirumi's bangs out of her eyes.

"Kukuku"

Everyone turned to Korekiyo.

"It seems I am the only one who has luck on my side. I am rather happy that no one had switched with me. No one would want to be stuck in my body anyway."

"WHAT?!" Miu screamed, "How come HE gets to keep his body?!"

Korekiyo grabbed his mask.

"This. It kept me protected from the smoke."

Shuichi reached up to grab his hat… but it was still on his own body.

"So it was the smoke that caused us to switch bodies…" Shuichi said aloud. "But… how do we go back to normal?"

Kokichi's eyes lit up. "I know! I'll use my new magic abilities to change us back!"

"Wait a second..!" Himiko intervened, "You can't..! I… only I know how to use my magic… it um… won't work for you...!"

"You're only saying that because you don't even have real magic powers."

"Be quiet Kirumi! Magic IS rea-"

"Guys!" Shuichi interrupted. "The panda was the one who did this to us so… maybe we can make it reappear somehow?"

Miu started to gain a shimmer in her eyes. "Okay! I'll do whatever it takes to get that stupid panda back!"

Korekiyo placed his hand on his chin, "Hhmm, who was the first one to even find the animal?"

"I was!"

Everyone groaned.

"Of course Kokichi was the one to bring a magical demon panda," Ryoma sighed.

Kirumi grabbed Kokichi by the shoulders and started shaking him. "Okay you little gremlin, tell us how you found it!"

"Hey, careful with my body!" Himiko squealed, "I bruise easily…"

Kokichi backed up and held his head to make it stop spinning.

"I'm your only source of information so you need to stop shaking me like a goddamn shake weight, okay?!"

Kirumi sighed and crossed her arms.

Kokichi fixed the witch hat on his head. "So I didn't *bring* it here, I *summoned* it here."

"You WHAT?" Miu shrieked.

Kokichi went over to a bush near the side of the dormitory and reached his arm in. He pulled out an old looking orange book and brushed off the dirt on the cover.

"So…why did you put a book in the bushes?" Ryoma asked.

"This is the book I summoned the baby panda from!" Kokichi flipped through the pages, "Here it is! 'The Great Panda.' Sounds GAY."

"So you summoned it to have a gay panda boyfriend?" Miu asked.

"I'm not a furry you useless cum dumpster! I summoned it so I could have a cool sidekick! We were going to fight crime together! But now he hates me…" Kokichi cried crocodile tears. "After I had summoned it, Maki came outside, so I had hid in the bushes with the book and panda. And then that's when Himiko found me and basically stole the panda from me before I could even explain what it actually was."

Korekiyo took the book from Kokichi. "It must be a curse of some sort… maybe we should try saying it backwards to break it?"

"Can't hurt to give it a try," Ryoma said as he rubbed his back in pain.

"Everyone stand in a circle, if we're going to do a ritual, we're going to do it right," Korekiyo commanded.

Everyone obeyed the anthropologist and stood in a circle. He then began to read the words backwards. Suddenly, smoke started to come out of everyone's mouth and created a big cloud in the center of their circle. An orb started to appear in the smoke and started to take the shape of a panda. The panda, however, had a rubber duck in one of its paws. It threw the duck at Kokichi's face and commanded, "Don't summon me again, little troll." Then vanished into the book.

Korekiyo closed the book while everyone composed themselves.

"HELL YEAH! I GET MY TITS BACK AGAIN!"

Kirumi sighed of relief as she was back in her own body again.

But then, she realized, she was never filming.

The End~

Sorry about that one Kokichi part where we started bragging about his dick. Honestly he would though so that wasn't even ooc for him.

But anyway, hope you enjoyed! If you didn't then… um… I guess… go read something that isn't garbage


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